Good mawning!
Interrupting the cycle of harm.
This morning I have a headache.
I got up knowing what it was from and going through the ways I could fix it. Fresh air? Cold water on my face? Purge it? .... I settled on drinking water and lay back down at an incline.
And as I laid there in bed, I was reminded of a time that our son had a life-defining tantrum.
I can't even remember what he wanted so bad that he felt I was keeping him from it. And he wound himself up so tightly, that deciding he would hold his breath would be a way to control my response.
He passed out.
I moved him somewhere safe, and when he came to, he frantically looked around. He then realized and connected the action of him holding his breath to his current situation and in that moment began a journey he still struggles with today.
He hated missing out on the moment of what was happening. He wanted to be present as much as possible for what was happening. PURE FOMO! It was hard to get him to nap. I was okay with him getting angry at me when he woke because he felt like he missed something.
This time, it was "his fault". And he knew it.
He started hitting himself. Toddlers will often do that to express themselves, especially if they can't quite talk yet. He could. The words were coming out and the fists were flying. And I reached out to pull him in, and fill him in on what had just happened. And then he cried.
Finally! Acceptance.
We can't control everything.
Have you ever felt out of control? Have you ever gotten upset when things didn't go the way you expected them to? And do you... find yourself getting down on yourself for not doing this or that? Do you use language and thoughts that weighs yourself down ...maybe to "motivate" you to change or to "DO better" next time?
For me, yesterday, I made a choice.
I didn't make the change that I knew would help. I didn't stop the current course of action, interrupt it, and choose a different direction. And today, I hurt. I also missed a few items in my environment that contributed to the headache today.
I'll make note of that, and use my current experience as a reminder for next time. There may very well be a next time. This is not the first time. That's how I could access and know what adjustments will work .... for next time.
And today, more water, more detox, more fresh air...
Life happens. This is a moment out of many.
For my son, I chose to stand in the place of that interruption going forward. It was better for him to get angry at me and move quicker into acceptance than to go full on into the depths of that downward spiral and harm himself. I've seen the depths. I definitely didn't want to stay there. I had family hit their depths...and the spiral down was very fast and the landing at the bottom hit them hard. Many I have talked to didn't know how they got there and they struggle to imagine themselves existing outside of it.
We can interrupt for our own safety and well-being. We can also seek help, without judgment, to support us in breaking that cycle . If you feel you are in that cycle, reach out for support. With both practice and support, interrupting our harmful patterns because easier and self-nourishing and loving.
Now, to go and make myself a tea, and enjoying seeing myself in a new day with Sawubona and care <3
#thankyouGod #interrupt #selfcare #compassion #choose #LoveFirst #giveyourselfspace #processthemoment #beingpresent #sawubona #seeyourself #greaterstill #biggerpicture #livelifefully
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