Thursday, December 31, 2015

For 2016, allowing things to end...strating with blame

I saw this video and I was compelled to share.  Thank you Brené Brown!

When we blame, we miss our opportunity to experience empathy. Brené Brown breaks it down in this video from The RSA.
Posted by Upworthy on Tuesday, December 22, 2015

For 2016, in order to move forward more freely, I am committing to letting go of all that hinders...and to Joy.  I am allowing the wonders of God and what is instilled in me to transpire in the lives around me and extending trust in God's perfect Will as it fills my life with Love and Joy.

My scripture of inspiration is ... Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Sin = anything that perpetuates the separation and disconnection from God. Also, anything that is not aligned with the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.)

Jesus set JOY before him (his joy set in his full connection with God). And SCORNED shame? Hmmm....So even though many were looking upon him with shame and held him as an object of blame and shameful, he himself did not receive "shame" as anything that he was. He endured the cross, yes, but the shame he left behind.

The ultimate goal is to enjoy the fullness of connection and unity with God. Through such things is how much of the world defines the aspects of success in their life (with or without their belief in God. God does not need us to believe in God and the existence just IS! I am in the experience of my own existence as well...whether or not anyone else is willing to believe in me.  But I am glad that I do get to experience the gift of gratitude from others in their belief and love in my life. ) 

Monday, October 12, 2015

Just BEING me

I shared a morning reflection on Facebook today. This, after being inspired by posts from friends on my newsfeed. Especially a post from one friend of mine. I have talked with them about their shift in life focus a while back...sometimes when we think we have really f^#$@'d things up in our lives (messing up what is good in our lives), we may tend to through our hands up in an act of defeat and begin to own our "error" (the plight of the perfectionist mind) and  "shortcomings" to being all that we CAN be. Not only to say that 'well, I guess I wasn't meant for this or that', but it also shows a sort of limited view of ourselves.  That we are not greater than our transgressions or fall-offs...or what we perceive to be our only option because we couldn't cut it with what we tried. Well I say fooey to that! Maybe because I sure hope I am not defined by my "mistake" after mistake...after mistake (does the saying call that stupid or insanity...or both! Bah! Forget the saying!) So WHAT if I had been stupid or insane (LOL and very likely to do it again...ha!) But it doesn't make me the stupidity or insanity. It's not much different then walking along and stepping into a puddle...while wearing long pants...and sandals...and it's really deep and wets your pant leg! It feels awkward and gross, can throw you off a bit, makes you wish you had been paying more attention. ..or been wearing rubber boots or planned for a full on SPLASHING ly fun experience. ...but it was what it is. A wet pant leg you didn't intend on. You don't rip off the pants and vow to never wear clothes again (maybe you do, but for this example you have a deep LOVE for clothes hhaha). The puddle does not become your definition.

 In truth, we are living change. Not only because our bodies are home to billions of other living organisms living and dying within us, and that we, on a physical plane, seem to be changing, growing, shifting towards what would be described as death...but also our thoughts, viewpoints, knowledge base are continually seeking to evolve... if we allow it.  We are not defined by having thrown of what is good about us and not being able to resurrect or reclaim those things again...perhaps with an understanding and wisdom that we can share with others.  And we CAN change our minds (deciding on one thing and shifting that decision...allow for growing awareness and increased consciousness)..our perspectives...our ownership of labels...we can also transform existing labels within its very context and be a living representation of your unique viewpoint within a "structure".

In essence, we seem to be designed for connection (what draws us to something or someone or a really stong interest to something and our experience journey of it...creating stories of change, success, triumph, struggle and victory)...and at the same point, can live within a perspective that is inclusive and yet all our own. Not to say we don't desire to filter in our own way or another. We are creative beings. And as we choose from the buffet of life, we want to keep in mind that we have the choice to make what is good (that we choose as good) work for the good in our lives...and not just dash off the thing, but to allow it to grow, change, and deepen as you do as well.  In time, we may all find our way through and to the fullness of our loving selves.

"Good morning!  Sometimes I think much too much effort and energy is put in to "proving" ourselves against being labeled or recognized in a particular way. 

BEING is quite a simplistic process. ..not to say that a bit of challenge and resisting doesn't make things interesting at times, but in your most quiet of moments, what do you allow yourself to truly experience? 

 My desire is for joy,...and in this moment of reflection I  notice and recall that much of the joy I experience will never be witnessed outside of my perspective.  It's mine and shared with God alone (if I could share the experience of these gems I would  ). 

So for today, I listen to the "buzz" in my head in the silence  (no soft, classical orchestra lately, but maybe soon...) and know that I get to enjoy Joy as fully as I choose today...with no extra effort required.    

#THANKyouGod #meandyou #thewholeworldtoo #seasonofgratitudes #justBE #youareenough #injoy

Thursday, September 24, 2015

I'm connecting, I'm connecting...

From the movie "Night at the Museum 3"

Over the past 24 hours, I have shared in many conversations. It was a great day of connecting more deeply with those around me.  I didn't plan it that way, but it worked out beautifully.  I even enjoyed a more structured quiet time in the morning as well. All these things used to be regular and consistent in my life...along with writing in my journal, sharing blog posts, decluttering, cleaning, laundry, working out...all constant...all routinely attended to...and with a change over the past few years it went a bit off. My focus, my routine shaken, and I didn't hold as firm to what I had established in my life. And now that my routine gas changed again, I find myself longing to bring back anew in my life these helpful habits I once enjoyed. It not that laundry changed or the need to declutter, it was I who changed. From feeling things were manageable to feeling completely overwhelmed. Even the thought of the thought of the overwhelm still grips me, so I know I still have a way to go in recognizing I am not in that same space.

And in order to support that change, I feel compelled to return to core relationship with myself and God. I just rest in that presence...and then I open up and share...and then go quiet again....and then share some's a conversation. And not until recently did I realize that this practice of introspection, connection, and relationship takes a lot (a LOT) of courage for people to choose and experience.  How can you build your heart (your core, your courage...), if you are constantly denying it?  How can you build up your connection if you refuse to acknowledge it is already there?

This is my Facebook post in response to this thought...

Good morning! I'm logging into a device that was JUST connected. The funny thing is I am sharing from another device that chooses to stay more consistently connected while this other device flips and flops between disconnected and connected. From the evidence of the other device being connected and functioning well in its navigation through the internet, I know there is a working source of WIFI that is open, flowing, and available.

We are always available to the choice of being consistently our good health and fitness, to our loving relationships, to our fulfillling spirituality and well-being, to our happiness, and even to our abundance (which is in all the above mentioned aspects of life...and more). AND we can ALSO choose that these same things are also our greatest burdens...our health, relationships, spirituality, and pursuit of happiness. It is as simple as be grateful and eager to enjoy or to be focused on anything but gratitude and thoroughly steeped (and nurtured) in "problems" and trying to fix the unbroken and constant.
If you are reading this, then there is nothing wrong with my Internet source...working on improving my connections (in all areas) will be focus today though. Mindset matters...your perspective is your golden ticket.

‪#‎thankyouGod‬ ‪#‎biggerthanwe‬ ‪#‎Oneconnection‬ ‪#‎seekfirst‬ ‪#‎goBeyondproblem‬ ‪#‎attitudeofGratitude‬ ‪#‎mindsetmatters‬

Thursday, July 23, 2015

Poem - Love first

Good morning! I have been sitting in...silence. Not sure what to say...not sure what to share...but one little voice called out...many little actions make a shout! And it said,  they did not know to care enough...that in the smallest of moments you CAN invest wholeheartedly and receive in return a hundred fold of miraculous joy and wonder.  But underneath all our have-to's and must, are many wanting hearts turning to dust because WE lose that which is of greatest another.  OPEN up your LIFE to the great in and of and through. What matters most is not POC, this-tthat or black or white IS me AND you . #onanotherlove #thankyouGod #timeforBold #sawubona #grieving #heartswideopen #jumpin #LOVEfirst

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Poem - Simple

As I was hoping to write something profound for Canada Day this morning on Facebook,  I found that what I wrote instead stood alone as a beautiful poem, so here it is...


On rainy mornings like these, I look to see what pondering and reflections I get to experience. ..and lately, it has been quite simple. I have been in observer mode I guess. Creation expressing and proving itself as defined...fires burning (in many ways), and the smoke hazing the horizon...people trying to peg my racial profile (LOL almost everyday) to one gene pool and geographic location and I just laugh at how I cannot be simply defined or described...that Infinite Wonder sits pretty like a bow in my hair...marking me Sacred... the mysteries and greater parts of a bigger story that we are....beyond trivial pursuits. But there seems to be fun (and distraction) in the trivial and perhaps that is why we chase it so.

Thank YOU for calling out and living life and continually unfurling the edge of infinity...oh, if only we knew that We Are....


Monday, April 6, 2015

Hamster wheel or Hämsterviel? Stop spinning and become genius

Today was a different had finally arrived...this day.  This day that over a month ago I had planned to do certain particular events...agreed to appointments and meetings and just over a week ago changed...and I realized I have found myself running a hamster wheel. I have gotten STUCK in a funky loop and yes, my dear friends, it will be time for me to get off this wheel soon as I scan for somewhere to jump.

And today, it reminded me that I had written years ago about being on a hamster wheel and looking to get off...

Dr. Hämsterviel (from the movie and television show, Lilo and Stitch) really inspired me as he was definitely NOT mindlessly running on a hamster wheel as his other counterparts might entertain to do but stepping into his genius (no matter how evil intended it may have been ). I'm not looking to go into the mad scientist profession, but in order to inspire the next generation of up and coming as my boys are, I must continue to challenge my "being" as well.

"... I got off my hamster wheel and starting off on my journey, running down my road of life, full of change, responsibility, taking actions, and living by the truth. I stopped lying to myself and stopped living in absolute statements (always, never.....), and started seeing things for what they really are. I could watch myself grow and grow to appreciate the growth in others. We are not what we were and we can't keep going back to the past to define our present and future. We can take what has been learned from our pasts and carry it forward as lessons learned, bringing it along on the journey as knowledge, wisdom, and experience. How will you see things that are happening today if you keep looking behind you? It's hard to run in one direction while looking in another. And it's hard to make changes if you are not doing differently and taking the actions to make that change happen.

I have made many mistakes of my own, and have done things in the past that I do not do now. But it is hard when what you have done is the past is all that someone sees you as today, whether it is yourself or someone else looking at you through your past actions. I hope that the changes I have made in my life now may be recognized for the woman I am today and help me to continue forward as I walk, looking ahead, at the woman I will become.

Is it because I don't like being "defined"? Really, it could be...there is only one definition that I hold dear to and that is as a disciple of Jesus Christ...but in all that goes on and happens....I need to accept that others look out for the best interest in what they are doing...and not to take things too personally (or directly)...AND with that, I know that a time has come in my life to become and step more into the woman I enjoy becoming.

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Joys in the journey... toxin free gifts

This morning (the day after St. Patrick's day) I shared a small and significant part of the day I had ...although it started with me finding my sunglasses were totally twisted, it had an encouraging undertone to it all day. How can you not be grateful when you notice all the wonderful support and grace that God provides...

"Good morning!  I don't know about any lucky Irish folks (well, I do know a few... ;) ), but yesterday was an amazing day.

  I stopped in at a store to grab a treat before meeting with some awesome souls and as I was in line to pay, I overheard a sales lady and gentleman tying to figure out which was the least toxic cleaners on the shelf to body started moving toward them before my mind finally decided to give up my "next" spot in line...I walked over and joined the conversation. I could already tell they were making good changes as they were unscented (LOL the people) and sharing about what natural things they already use. They shared that they have serious symptoms from the chemicals in products....and then I shared the same.

Their eyes popped WIDE OPEN with excitement and encouragement! (Insert heart-melt-moment) They asked what I use and I shared...AND top it off, they both gave me a hug of sincere gratitude.  The relief and ease that I got to bring to their lives...PLUS I found some Borax! (I was SO excited!) All that from just being me ! Thank you God for "invisible" gifts ...

#thankyouGod #Divinegifts #hiddentreasures #beautifulconnections #toxinfreeliving #oneanotherlove #ofGreaterservice

Sunday, March 15, 2015

Strength in weaknesses...understanding one another

This is my morning post from Facebook as I reflect on living with chemical sensitivities and not only how we come across to others in how we respond, but how, through perseverance and faith, we can shine light into one another's lives as well...

"Good morning! I experienced a highly irrate and agitated woman...she was difficult for most people to communicate with. And, in a short moment, we once had a conversation where I saw how intelligent and aware she was...

Well, years later, she remembered that little moment and shared her gratitude for that connection...her apology for her abrasiveness. ..and that she experiences sensitivities. chemicals...environmental, etc....and I do...and send has asked for tips as I come across them.

From this, I have been blessed with an understanding...
...go for that "moment" of connection , no matter how small (with loving intention)
...we never have the fullness of knowing into the lives of others (and sends sumptuous interrupts connection...)
...we are all connected in more ways than one, and to serve a greater purpose... MY "weakness", I am made strong and designed for building up others...
...there is a Great service that I am here for...

So thank you again, dear God...beyond my understanding, you bring me to the right place and right time to share encouragement in ways I would never have guessed ...

‪#‎thankyouGod‬ ‪#‎divineconnection‬ ‪#‎giftsinweakness‬ ‪#‎oneanotherlove‬‪#‎buildupanother‬"

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Turn down the volume (on negative self-talk)

I dropped the lemon peel! AAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!

...and then it would begin...the flurry of negative self-talk that would rant and criticize me for being...clumpsy, not focused, lazy ("you could have made more than one trip to the garbage can you know"), stupid,...and falling short of perfection at every turn. "How could I possibly do or be (fill in the blank of a desired goal here), if I can't even get a lemon peel to the garbage..." It was downright abusive. And yes, to this day, I am sensitive to the language and tone...I can pick it out of the subtlest of comments...and it has become a gift and a way to help others...

So from where I stand now..."Really? REALLY?? You want to let dropping a lemon peel derail you for life? To ruin your whole day?" But I used to...I know, I know. ..there is a lot worse happening in the world right now...children starving in 3rd world countries, etc, etc...but really, how do I put a life together when it seems like everything I do is wrong?

Now for some, reading this makes absolutely no sense " Where is she even trying to go with this?", "She sounds completely flipped!" ...but for some, it cuts deep...and it is to those who I am speaking to and serving this moment, in this message. It will be jumbled and it will jump ALL over the place and if you can stick it out, through the two voices in my head that are trying to put together one message, then it may help...Help you to feel understood,  to feel you are not alone, and to possibly offer a glimmer of hope...

..the stand off officially started 5 years late night/early morning where I was "disturbed" out of sleep by her critiques again...I had enough! She was NOT going to continue to rob me of sleep or to continue these unguarded attacks anymore...I was tired...tired of getting no sleep, and tired of hearing this cap in my head. So I met her with some tools and I would like to share them...

Turn #1 Stand firm!

Now this came to me in a waking vision that would make a great movie one day, but a loud resounding voice, prior to the moment I am describing, said "Stand firm!" (LOL Was it God talking to me? Was it due to the many years of compromised sleep?...very possible) And I did! I woke up full and ready! 3 am baby! Every single day! She was punctual with her attacks, and I decided to make the time productive. (Yeah? You're gonna wake me up again at this time? me and you...) Every time the banter began, I got productive...dishes, laundry, cooking, baking, working out, etc. Activity was the first thing I put in the place of the noise. (Ha HA! What was that? Oh I can't hear you...too busy...lifting these weights...grunt!) I made a list and I picked away at. And it worked ...for a bit...

Turn #2 Learn a new language

At that point where activity became habitual, there was space in my head I filled that space with reading. The bible was the first thing I turned to. LOL people wondered how I could be so consistent with my quiet times, and this was part of the reason why. To shut up and down that nagging negative talk! It really did help to save my life and I was also given a great gift of insight into what I was reading. it showed me how time and time again, many of those in the bible went through the same thing! LOL this struggle and inner battle is by far NOT new to the human experience. ..I looked into other books and literature as well. ..Nonviolent communication was a biggie...other "self-help" books and "personal development" literature...all these help me to acknowledge what I was going through, gave tools in how to move forward through the negativity, and filled my mind and head space with some good stuff to hear for a change. But when things got a little derailed,  it created a window of opportunity for the critic to emerge (I hadn't dealt with her officially...yet!)

Turn #3 Adjust what you see and face what  you hear...

Here came that space again...the space for the clammer, the critique, the maniacal laughter of a new level of attack...still punctual she was, but as in Ecclesiastes, everything is meaningless,  and she started bringing circumstances and other people into the conversation. I will admit, it was a VERY challenging time, with not only the voice in my head going at me, but others in my life...I almost wanted to die. I felt like a lamb going to slaughter. ..what could I say? There was nothing I could do, say, or be to change the negative views and hatred that were flying at me, inside and out...and then I realized I needed a bubble! A bubble of rainbows, and sunshine, and unicorns...where was my dang happy place!?! But before I could have that, I needed to clear the space first...I changed the way I looked at my circumstances...and the truth was, I couldn't change in the way that my circumstances wanted me was not healthy and I couldn't be what they wanted without denying all that is good about me...and then it was HER turn! Through the help of nonviolent communication techniques, I began a new conversation with her.? I let her speak so I could get to the root of the need she felt was not being, encouragement, appreciation...not being met. And then I asked her for help...

Turn #4 Know your role! And get driving...

Now it was official...time to adjust the dial of what I was listening to and saying. She agreed to help...and was still criticizing me! I needed to get to work on meeting needs. LOL and she needed something ELSE to focus on instead of negativity. So I established that from now on the primary focus will be to love and encourage me and that she is welcome to let me know when things are not on track and that I will listen and observe (support), and that we can both work together to keep moving forward (LOL like Thelma and Louise, but I am doing the driving (and I choose the radio station and volume) and she is in the passenger seat.