Monday, September 3, 2012

We are the answer....we are a question

Have you ever thought about your "why"?  Why were you born?  Why have you had the experiences in life that you have had?  Why your family?  Why your likes and dislikes?  Many questions about who and why and what we are...

I have.

I asked.  'Why was I born?'  'Why didn't I fit in?'  Why did I understand the things I did?  Why do people not think the way that I do?  Why do I have allergies?  Why do I ask the questions I do?  Why did I choose Jesus as my imaginary friend when my parents didn't talk about him?  Why am I so different?  Why do I have the insights that I do?  Why was I so blessed with the beautiful children that I have?  Why am I married? Why my health challenges?......

....And you know what?  Almost all of these questions have been answered to some degree.  Amazing right??  You see, I have ALWAYS asked why, and how, and what, and when....I was always in question....and when an answer was received, it created another question for me...and I was blessed with parents who would for the most part give me some sort of answer or tell me to go look up the answer....they got me a set of encyclopedias the year I was born.  Very insightful of them since by the age of 3 I was reading novels.  I love who my parents are and even though the experiences at time were not the best, they did honour their desire to do better for their kids than the generation before them...and I am doing the same for my children.

But back to the question.  What goes unanswered remains with the potential of endless responses...vast and limitless...The unknown is an unanswered question.  So life is like an unanswered question...full of limitless possibilities.....which means each of us, with each moment ahead of us as unknown and filled with unnumbered possibilities are also like questions.  These questions that we voice in thoughts or through our mouths and even through our actions (the "what-if"s and "why"s) float about the universe, vast and apparently limitless...every question that you have asked, including all the questions that were asked for thousands and thousands of years before our time.  Most of the answers to our questions are floating around in the universe as well.  Some of the answers dating back to tens of thousands of years, maybe even millions (the possibilities are unknown and endless) :).  But what if...just what if you were also created as the answer to a question?  What if your experiences, your desires, your way of thinking and putting things together was all put into a package called "YOU" and at just the right time, you will either choose to become passionately motivated to share your burning answer or you will mistake the passion for fear and die with the answer inside of you.

Well, I am an answer.  I have stood out as a sore thumb for my whole life...or as far back as I can remember.  Set apart....and today I woke up with an image in my head matching an image I had thought about years ago out of an error I had made...a cycle of correction.  So let me break this down a little...

....Have you ever made a meal in the kitchen that didn't taste quite right?  The desire was to get the people fed with this meal and NOT to waste the food and ingredients used in the process.  So you add this spice and that spice...went off the beaten path of the prescribed recipe and VOILA!...It is fixed, tastes edible, and the meal is enjoyed.

But what if that fix was done in something else?  What if the error made was seen as just a little OOPS in the desired goal and just needed a little fix?...and that fix just needed a little fix to make the first fix and the second fix work, and so and so on...what if the error in the first experiment was run through a "pretend cycle"?...hypothesis of the potential amplification of the percentage of error or the exponential and compounding effect it would have on the whole?....but who ever knows what errors come until they come, right?  Now lets jump ahead from my adolescence and to lab work and questions in University.  Well, in science there are many processes such as this....and I took Biological Sciences while I was in university...with my main focus in genetics (or the bulk of my course load).  And realized that there are many possibilities along with many errors that can occur when we "tinker" with what already exist.  One of the main examples was wheat and increases the yield of this one species in order to meet the "demands" of the uses of this one grain within society.  They crossed different species of grain to achieve a species with higher yield and VOILA!, they achieve a new, "viable" (...meaning produces seeds that grows to produce the same result as the parent), species that produced this higher yield and the farming industry and the ideals of Darwinism with mutation became a playing ground for new foods.  But my constant thought and question from when I was young was "what happens when you mess with one piece of the puzzle?  The picture changes. (I loved doing puzzles when I was a child)  In what way did this promotion of this one species bring about a change in the picture that already existed?  Why didn't they just turn to other foods and grains, especially ones with higher yield, and shorter growing time frames?  In other words, what will this ONE MAJOR CHANGE produce as a consequence?

WELL, skip forward from my questions from then and to my thoughts now....I have been diagnosed with....peanut allergy (progressive...the more I am exposed, the worse it gets), phthalate and chemical sensitivities, hyper-sensitivity to chlorine and fragrance, unable to digest pork, and gluten intolerance (which my children inherited as well).  And the question I am asked is..."why am I so different?"..."Why does this affect you and no one else?"..."Are you just making this up?"...."Is this all in your head?"...Well, I had danced around with those same questions as a jester dances for a king....and it did not change the actual affect or the severity of the seriousness I would experience...I woke up one day paralyzed.  I couldn't move!  I screamed for my mom and I was brought to the hospital and given morphine, and diagnosed with a hyper-sensitivity to fragrance.  I was given morphine as take home medication due to high pain tolerance and ineffectiveness of anything "lighter" in dosage....One day in gym class my skin felt on fire and I couldn't sweat out of my pores, only to find out that from my daily routine of being on a swim team, I was now hyper-sensitive to chlorine.  What did I learn about chlorine?  That it is a corrosive...and when it is exposed to oxygen it creates a messy reaction.  From that point forward, one by one (thank God) each of these "conditions" and sensitivities reared their heads in my life....WHY??

....jump forward to today.  I have been haunted by the image men covered head to toe in radioactive contaminant suits in a farmers field blocked off with biohazard signs around it's perimeters spraying the fields with what I would assume to be herbicides and pesticides.  IF these suits are required to be around the food that we grow, what does that say about the food that we eat?  WHAT error has been created and over-corrected to get to the point that we are at today?  After watching a video called "The Toxic Baby", a TED women presentation about the effect of the chemicals used on our foods and how it is leading to mass extinction and defects within our generations as humans, I realized that my sensitivities were not a curse, but a blessing.  And my understanding and passion are not just unique, but were designed to be a specific answer to a question that was asked at some point in our human existence AND that time has come for ME to bring that answer out...I do know that this overwhelming, gripping feeling is passion and not fear, and I MUST SPEAK OUT THE ANSWER.  The very sequence that I have observed and the questions that I still hold about the future and the direction/intention of those that have created this cycle that has become obviously destructive, must be stopped and reversed.  If the over-promotion of one species lead to the idea of creating GMOs, then it is time to switch the promotion of one to the sustaining of many....No more GMOs, specific fertilizers to support weak, non-thriving, and weakly-viable-in-the-natural-world foods.  No more herbicides/pesticides to keep these weak plants from being ravished and pristine for the customer.  No more irradiation, pasteurization, chemical washes, synthetic "food grade" waxes and preservatives to keep these foods on the shelves for longer so that more can be bought/consumed....keeping the cycle going and going and....then what?  No more herbicides/pesticides/toxins that create abnormal growth causing disease/cancer that are reversed by more chemicals created by the same people that funded the research....the same people that created the chemical/virus that caused the disease in the first place.  No more extinction of species that would have filled the gap that was filled by weak and under-nourishing GMOs....AND YES to sustaining and promoting what still exists on this planet....using the resources that do produce a bounty without being chemically supported.....encouraging healthy humans without defect/disease, and even rebuilding the health in all systems instead of trying to fix an error in the recipe that did not have a viable end.

But what about you?  What is inside of you that must get out?  What question were you created to answer?  Maybe even just one sentence out of you speaking up that will be quoted for a lifetime, inspiring many....

...Know that fear and overjoy produce a similar response in the body and both (in my opinion) should be met with courage....but many chose to become frozen and crippled by fear....myself included.  But if I still experience opposition and grief within my fearful state, I might as well speak out and receive opposition and grief, but possibly help many people along the way....maybe even encourage change in one person's life....or even in the RIGHT person's life that will help to change the world.  So I am putting this out there to possibly inspire, to share from what I have observed, and hopefully, move forward in a hopeful future for others and in the lives of my very children.