Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Look beyond the facts...we are more than "just"

Good morning! Let me describe what you can "see" in my day...On average, I get up at around 2:30 am everyday. I roll out of bed, get a drink a glass of water, go to the bathroom. Then I hop on my tablet, scroll through and read a little, check a few things, and then head to the kitchen. I cook breakfast, lunch, and dinner while cleaning the kitchen and making notes. I pack hubby's lunch bag, kiss him and wish him a good day. Then get something to eat (and drink) again. I do some typing while I am seated on the sofa, and then the boys wake up. We say good morning and then get breakfast going for them, remind them about homework, brushing teeth, and hair, other hygiene details, getting dressed, getting dressed...putting down Lego and getting dressed LOL and then they are off to school. I clean and throw stuff out, get phone calls, texts, texts to check my email, reminders from my phone for appointments, I get dressed and grab my son for lunch. We eat together and then I drop him back at school. I come home, "veg", nap, etc. before the boys get home. They get snacks, do homework, and we prep for dinner. Their dad comes home, I greet him, have dinner and sleep.

There. The summation of my life. Based on facts. Based on what you can "see"...based on "all" that I do.

A few years ago, my "fact" sheet was recounted to me over and over again from others. Others that didn't know me...and even some who "did". ...only validated me by the response to the questions they were asking and saw my life as BAD! VERY BAD! Based on the facts, very FEW people that I thought I knew wanted to be around me (saying my facts were more than they could handle).
...based on FACTS, very few got to experience what I learned in DEPTH...the WEALTH of "who" and "what" I am... The funny thing, as lonely as that sounds and felt at times, I met others during that time in my life...
Those few BLESSED souls (along with a handful of those that chose to see "me") ...I remember them by face and name and experiences...I celebrate their lives AND they have expressed a great gratitude for what I had shared while I journeyed through the "facts". 
 There was one lady in particular who kept my facts ready in front of her and in our every conversation would throw them in my face. We only ever spoke by phone and she wondered how I would stay so calm through the "current" situation at the time. As the situation came to a point of resolution and surprise was her only response, I exclaimed a big resounding "HA!" that punctuated our time together. You see, she was not a woman who believed in faith or having it. It needed to be seen physically, with factual proofs, and the doing and actions was the validation for her. And I, with no facts that matched the desired outcome, had nothing...nothing seen, no actions to prove with...I was an empty mess...and full of only faith. I knew that I had so much more to me and that only a very few would take time to enjoy. And those who did, felt blessed...still do. As do I! No, faith alone is not all you need, however, when you see beyond "seen", you can do anything through God who give such an ability.  Problems are as they are and are as plentiful as the solutions that are meant for their match. I needed time to meet up with the appropriate solution...and it came. I knew it would.... as I had already set in motion the "actions" and the faith that the problem would not be a "fact" of mine much longer.

Don't ask me facts-based questions and expect to have your "final" answer. I am NOT my facts. ANYONE can have the facts that I have or have had. I AM and YOU ARE and always will be, MUCH MORE than your facts.
You see, before my eyes open for the world to see, I pray and share my gratitude to God for another day. There is already a conversation going on within me before my foot touches the floor. As I open my eyes, I look and smile with gratitude at how beautiful my hubby is while he sleeps...sometimes I kiss him...sometimes I just let my heart well up with gratitude that he is sleeping peacefully. No one knows any of this except for me. There will never be any proof that what I share is true. it is not a fact. Then I proceed to either seek inspiration or seek to encourage before I begin the tasks for the day. I will read a quick inspiration or maybe an email. To tell you the truth, I prefer to listen to audios or just go along in my head first thing and it's a bit of a struggle for me to check stuff on the computer, so I have a couple games that need regular maintenance that get me in the space of checking other stuff on the computer/device...and voila! I check email, Facebook, and then move on to prepping my hubby for his day. It's been a journey to do this...I am personally grateful to share this gratitude,but it wasn't always so well received...and that made it hard for me to want to do. And sometimes it hurt...and many times I was frustrated and tired, sore and ill, but still I made sure I did what I could to make sure he had something to eat.  And times I would fall short in this task...It was a lot to get done in an hour or so first thing in the morning. Especially when I was also working and trying to keep up with everything at home...eventually I left the double-job mode and returned to the home front and home business. It's my "love"-service that I know encourages him the most that I do each day. And then I crash and do what encourages me...decompress, check my attitude, get to a calm place (because most likely, like today, I am still a bit tired, but no time to be going back to sleep at the moment) before the boys wake up. So that I can be authentically excited to see them wake up and come for their morning hug and kiss. They smile, breath deeply, and then begin their routine...they mention often how they would prefer to be home-schooled, but they are in a French Immersion program in our neighbourhood school, so they are getting a little something more than I can offer with proficiency. I am sure there will come a point where we do it and learn it together, but for now, they have good teachers and a few good friends and that works. I clean and write and plan and purge and listen to podcasts and books and speakers talking about God, nutrition, mindset, business, finances, stuff my hubby is interested in, other authors, poets, ...inspiration! Or run around doing errands for home or business or the kids or for the hubby. And then I prepare lunch (or my lunch date) with one of my boys. He chose to want to spend this little bit of time with me instead of at school and the lunch fee money goes toward gas instead. it was win-win to me. I make appointments to meet up with others after lunch. Today it will be a study/prayer group and then after, I will come home for my daily meditation and/or nap. Then the boys come home and touch base and I will have something in the evening or just time with the family. Oddly enough, from the outside looking in, it doesn't look like much until I add my personal insight into it. And the same goes for all of us. Offering ourselves the opportunity to balance making connections with others, with ourselves, and getting our daily "do" list done, it's a wonder how we ever let the "facts" be enough in our days.

So know that, I am always looking BEYOND the facts...looking to where the true beauty and goodness is happening...in your individual expression of your gifts and agency...in you choosing to make something of your days and moments and situations...or not. But the facts...yeah...I'm sure there is more to you than that .

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

A big fear came to the surface this morning. Remember to celebrate

Good morning! This morning I got to witness one of my deepest fears...it surprised me.

And where I am at now, I am amazed and grateful to myself for having experienced the fear AND experiencing its relief of concern. It also made me realize that sometimes, just like annoying family members that "keep" an overactive watchful eye out for you (yeah, I said it), that your "fearful" or "critical " thoughts or voices could just be you wanting to make sure of the best for you. It took some time in silence (plus a perspective I learned from an NVC training) to really "hear" what was behind "those" thoughts...LOL and what I "witnessed " was...a loving concern.

So today, that big "fear" I had (have)? It's that...I would fail! Fail to recognize when the gifts, blessings, opportunities, and answered prayers were showing up in my life AND that I would NEGLECT to celebrate its arrival. Fail to see and fail to celebrate. YUP!!! It's a HUGE one! And today, I witnessed an "arrival" and I got a rush go over me...popped my eyes wide open! And immediately I was excited and stayed "cool and calm" at the same time....LOL it was like winning the lotto ;) (which I did yesterday. ..woohoo! Free play! ;) ) . And it was after that moment of quietly celebrating and acting in the moment. ..building its momentum that another wave washed over me....a sigh of relief from my "fear". I didn't waste the moment. ..hurray!

I am not going to plug in a "to do" thought here...I'm not going to say that you should do as I have done...no "shoulds" here. I am just sharing that in my current experience, my "lows" one day amplify my gratitude the next. That my "fears" have lead me to grow as well as "know"...that fullness of my experiences allow me to better "see" those around me and connect authentically...and that, after many years of wanting to "spare" others the grief and pains I have gone through, I can see that that may also deny you the fullness of your celebration.

 So, much love to you all, exactly where you are at...and that you may enjoy an amazing day of being you.

 #thankyouGod #divinegifts #Icansee #itISBeautiful #oneanotherlove #startwithyou #Lovefirst