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My imperfections and failures are as much a blessing from God as my successes and talents.  ~ Mahatma Gandhi

Thursday, February 25, 2021

Going beyond the bullying

 Good morning!

One day is not enough!
We don't wear the pink.
And the problem goes further than just calling people "bullies".
SO what about today? He pulled out his journal at the beginning of the week to help him to express and work through some strong emotions and feelings. He was so filled with hope and change that he had to get down his observations and decisions. He shared it with me. The wins from a great weekend and his revelations...the vision he has for himself going forward...knowing he is lovingly supported, he shared (5th pillared) his intentions and we set to work on direction towards his realized vision.
Put the banner down, the virtuous symbols, the heightened angst, and listen.
...As I went through my camera roll, I was both grateful and horrified. Horrified is a strong word. Riddled with regret? Having been a part of this "thing" that was happening and had him "tough it out" for YEARS? Heartbroken??
At what point do you stop the constant attacks? How many times do you say "No!", "That's not nice!", "Stop it!" And have someone listen and change? How many talks do you have to have with the "grown ups" that the children are not playing nice? What happens when the adults are not playing nice? What happens when adults are scoffing and yelling at your child with disgust? What happens when the "bully" starts blaming your child for everything that they are doing, with you as a witness, and the adults don't believe you? What happens when the parents allow their child to shout profanities at your child for many other parents to hear, and you address it and now your child was the problem....
That was the point. I called in professional help. Local counselling services to support our son.
I was on all the field trips. I was ASK to be because I handled well (trained and educated with police clearance, etc. ) to be around children and handle problem behaviours. I was very good at encouraging those who were picking on other children to pay attention. This continued for years. I figured since I had to "tough it out" for so many years in school, that he might be able to be...but it was more. And it was constant, and it was everywhere. Living a life of being "celebrated" as a novelty for how you are unique and being blasted for your "different hair" and how you are not "black" or "white" enough, or "this and that" enough... No real amount of time to just be at "peace" with being yourself...

You see the first picture was the breaking point. He left many selfies on my phone. This one called me into action. I contacted my mentor,
Carrie Campbell
, to help me in providing support and getting my child back after YEARS of constant discrimination, harassment, ill-treatment, ostracization... the counselling didn't compare to the mindset work and training I was receiving from my mentor and he wanted HER help! Not to poo-poo on the counselling. They gave his current state a diagnosis and brought him through trying to recall moments, etc. But as I have learned, trauma changes things in the brain. We also create filters to helps us to survive. Much of what he now had as a story were not the same as the how we documented them and experienced and reported. Perception was skewed...

He started the 4 pillar work. Journalling, counting wins, learning his language, and imagining a different outcome. We changed environment so he could have the space to "be". So much came out. So many learned coping strategies that were not serving him had to be shifted so he could move forward.



This work would benefit both sides of the coin. For those who hold devaluing viewpoints of others and themselves.... for those who are under constant, non-serving influences in their life. And then for those who have been changed from being happy, and playful to guarded and wounded from the non-serving behaviours they encounter in others. The journey starts way before the aggressions we see. It starts in the home. It's influenced in the workplace. It is spread throughout our society. We need to start practicing nurturing our human care as well as our own mastery in a way that serves us and benefits others.



We have tools that work and work well. But not everyone does. It's simple, it's sustainable and it works for those who apply it. No more "bullies". They need help and support too. We all have a "bully" somewhere in our lives, and often within our own heads. It's time to change from adversary to support.

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