Going beyond the bullying

 Good morning!

One day is not enough!

We don't wear the pink.

And the problem goes further than just calling people "bullies".

SO what about today? He pulled out his journal at the beginning of the week to help him to express and work through some strong emotions and feelings. He was so filled with hope and change that he had to get down his observations and decisions. He shared it with me. The wins from a great weekend and his revelations...the vision he has for himself going forward...knowing he is lovingly supported, he shared (5th pillared) his intentions and we set to work on direction towards his realized vision.

Put the banner down, the virtuous symbols, the heightened angst, and listen.

...As I went through my camera roll, I was both grateful and horrified. Horrified is a strong word. Riddled with regret? Having been a part of this "thing" that was happening and had him "tough it out" for YEARS? Heartbroken??

At what point do you stop the constant attacks? How many times do you say "No!", "That's not nice!", "Stop it!" And have someone listen and change? How many talks do you have to have with the "grown ups" that the children are not playing nice? What happens when the adults are not playing nice? What happens when adults are scoffing and yelling at your child with disgust? What happens when the "bully" starts blaming your child for everything that they are doing, with you as a witness, and the adults don't believe you? What happens when the parents allow their child to shout profanities at your child for many other parents to hear, and you address it and now your child was the problem....

That was the point. I called in professional help. Local counselling services to support our son.

I was on all the field trips. I was ASK to be because I handled well (trained and educated with police clearance, etc. ) to be around children and handle problem behaviours. I was very good at encouraging those who were picking on other children to pay attention. This continued for years. I figured since I had to "tough it out" for so many years in school, that he might be able to be...but it was more. And it was constant, and it was everywhere. Living a life of being "celebrated" as a novelty for how you are unique and being blasted for your "different hair" and how you are not "black" or "white" enough, or "this and that" enough... No real amount of time to just be at "peace" with being yourself...

You see the first picture was the breaking point. He left many selfies on my phone. This one called me into action. I contacted my mentor,

Carrie Campbell

, to help me in providing support and getting my child back after YEARS of constant discrimination, harassment, ill-treatment, ostracization... the counselling didn't compare to the mindset work and training I was receiving from my mentor and he wanted HER help! Not to poo-poo on the counselling. They gave his current state a diagnosis and brought him through trying to recall moments, etc. But as I have learned, trauma changes things in the brain. We also create filters to helps us to survive. Much of what he now had as a story were not the same as the how we documented them and experienced and reported. Perception was skewed...

He started the 4 pillar work. Journalling, counting wins, learning his language, and imagining a different outcome. We changed environment so he could have the space to "be". So much came out. So many learned coping strategies that were not serving him had to be shifted so he could move forward.

This work would benefit both sides of the coin. For those who hold devaluing viewpoints of others and themselves.... for those who are under constant, non-serving influences in their life. And then for those who have been changed from being happy, and playful to guarded and wounded from the non-serving behaviours they encounter in others. The journey starts way before the aggressions we see. It starts in the home. It's influenced in the workplace. It is spread throughout our society. We need to start practicing nurturing our human care as well as our own mastery in a way that serves us and benefits others.

We have tools that work and work well. But not everyone does. It's simple, it's sustainable and it works for those who apply it. No more "bullies". They need help and support too. We all have a "bully" somewhere in our lives, and often within our own heads. It's time to change from adversary to support.

#thankyouGod #simpleandsustainable #nomorebullies #weareallhuman #Lovefirst #4Pillars #EYL #mindsetmatters #createthenew #letshealtogether #Ubuntu #Sawubona

"I love my hair" Sesame Street song gets our vote!

I was so encouraged this morning when I saw this Sesame street video about a young girl promoting her curly 'fro. I got all teary-eyed thinking about my younger self and how I would have LOVED to be running through the playground singing this Sesame street song instead of getting into fights with those that continued to laugh at, pull, velcro, mess up, and tease my hair. Now a mother of two beautiful boys that sport their uniqueness and pride on the playground, I can see how times have definitely made a change for the better.



Thank you Sesame Street for putting this out their for today's kids to sing...♪♫ I love my hair, I love my hair...♪♫♪

To my parents: Thank you!

As we celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada this weekend, I am reminded to share my gratitude for all that is in my life. As I was reflecting on a current challenge that I am facing, I realized how much I am grateful to my parents for the examples they have shared through the lives they live.

To my mom,
Thank you for your desire to continue to learn and improve on your knowledge. You have consistently, throughout my time of watching you, been into your books and studies to advance in your career. I now desire to each day, not just to study for a career, but in all areas of my life that I desire to do more or better in. I thank you for instilling in me the desire to nourish my body with foods that promote longevity and good health. As I feed my children and look to meet their nutritional needs, I see how you gave us what was not conventional to provide for us a longer and healthier life. Thank you for walking as a confident, youthful, strong woman who is proud to be in the skin she is in. It has helped me to reach the point where I feel I can do the same and it encourages me, when I was younger and today, to appreciate the uniqueness of how I was made.

To my dad,
Thank you for your continuous love and support. You have always been there to encourage me, even when you yourself were not at your best. Your BEAUTIFUL example of unconditional love towards your family and to me has resonated with such HUGE waves in my life, I don't have words I can describe. You have celebrated my accomplishments and talents and helped and trained me to love the details. You helped me to keep my eyes open to seeing what is beautiful in the world and the people around me. Your example of humility to God's word has touched my very soul and your acknowledgment of God and his authority in your life helped me to look outside myself and realize I am a part of a bigger picture.

Also, I would like to thank you both for your example of perseverance through trials. You both have shared the challenges that you have gone through and I would like to say that you have come through those trials and have encouraged the same perseverance in my life as well. I know there is hope, and beautiful opportunities that lie on the other side of challenge, trials and struggles. You both give generously with what you have, and when you see a need, you have a desire to take care of it, especially for your family. You both have encouraged the desire to forgive others and let go and allow love to fill my home and the hearts of those around me. Whatever I may have been through with anyone in the past is not worth holding on to if it compromises my ability to love them more, especially those near and dear to me. My desire is to encourage and to love in spite of... Thanks for helping me to be who I am today.

With love,
Your daughter,

What's your image of you?

This photo I saw on someone's computer, and aside from the weapons, I said that this photo reminds me of me. Now of course the day wouldn't involve waking up late, rolling out of bed, chasing after my kids to get them dressed and off to school. This woman looks like she is ready to take on the world! So how would I visualize the physical version of who it is I am? Well, first of all I would have to go into the details that makes me who I am.

Appreciating your attributes

At times we may forget if we have even considered it all, but we should express to ourselves gratitude and appreciation. What makes me unique? What is beautiful about who I am? What wonderful things have I done and contributed to the lives of others? If you have trouble doing this for yourself, try starting out with appreciating those around you, out loud. That's right, let others know what is wonderful about them and your gift of encouragement may very well come back to you.

If you give, you must also receive

If after you have given a compliment or expressed gratitude or appreciation that you receive a compliment in return, don't turn it down, say 'Thank you'. Receiving from the gifts that you give doesn't always happen in the way that we think and being willing to receive the gift opens you up for receiving more. Not just in compliments, but in everything. It will also open up your awareness of who you are as you get feedback from what you are giving. So make it good! If you want to receive good gifts, you should be giving good gifts (golden rule applies here). And I'm not talking about the latest electronic gadget (although I know an HD flat screen 52" TV comes in mind for some), I'm talking about the stuff that lasts; encouragement, gratitude, positivity, helping others in need, that kind of stuff.

Go into detail.

So now that you have a level of appreciation about you (both in giving and receiving), what does your image of you have? A big heart? Loving and hard working hands? A beautiful smile? It reminds me of when I was single and I sat down with my cousin and we mapped out the attributes of our perfect man haha. We drew on a piece of paper a male figure (could have been a stick man, it didn't matter) and we added to the image like a diagram....strong arms, good dancer, nice smile (straight teeth), ambitious and compassionate....the list went on. But have I ever really done that for me? I don't think so. It would be a fun project to sit down with my kids and do (I guess I will be doing it soon then...) Maybe I could sit down with some of my friends and do that too. But in the end it's the image of who you see yourself to be and it should encourage you.

Well, I have work to do, but I must say that I do see myself as a knight, a defender of what is good and loving in this world and I will continue my crusade for a more positive, loving and helpful me.

Question of the day: Why am I afraid sometimes?

I am going after my fears, not only to get rid of what is hindering me in certain areas of my life, but to fully understand why I choose to be fearful.

This morning as I was talking to my son who was afraid his brother was going to do something that has not even been done yet (or was even going to be attempted....oh well) and I realized that sometimes we choose to be fearful based on our anticipation of something negative happening. Now, it hasn't happened, so in reality we are only responding to our imagination, the scenario we have created in our minds. We are fearful of what we have come up with in our minds...hmmmm...is it real? Real enough to develop into a very real response from our bodies. But is it based on truth and an actual experience? Perhaps not. Maybe we are responding based on a previous incident (very possible), but in the end, why not let the situation unfold and respond accordingly to what HAS happened. Are we afraid of how we would respond if we were in a situation? Afraid of how others are going to respond? Can we control how others will respond (maybe by our response)? Is our mind trying to prepare for that outcome? I would think that if I created a scenario in my mind (which I do a LOT), that I would like to manipulate that scenario to not only be how I would like it to turn out (since it is MY imagination), but that also provides for me options of how to respond in a way that is positive, encouraging, and helps me to grow and learn. And the best part is, in the process of gauging how I would like to respond, I can then prepare myself to be ready to experience such a situation in the future, if it is to happen or not.

So what have I pulled out of this ponder session?

I should ask myself....

Is my fear based on what is really happening to me at the moment or is it based on my imagination? If it is based on my imagination, am I developing a fearful, physical response beforehand based on an anticipated, negative reaction, or am I playing out the possibilities based on experience to respond in a more desired and positive way?

How can I make the scenario in my head work for me? In preparing my response to be a fruitful and positive one and visualizing the scenario to be different and more to how I would want it to be(whether or not it actually happens).

How can I be more equipped in a situation that I have an anticipated fearful response to now? I can be prepared and informed. If it is a performance-based action that I am fearful of, what actions can I take to be better prepared and have the scenario result in an encouraging and successful experience. Am I fearful due to a lack of knowledge and experience? Then do the research and seek the advice from those that are successful in an area that I am unsure of.

Have faith! Some things are unknown and uncertain when it comes to outcome, but if we allow the situation to unfold and see what wonderful things can come from experience, we can grow and respond according to the actual circumstance. I know that from my experiences with being fearful, a lot of my actions leading up to a scenario are affected and I may walk a road of negativity before I even reach the situation, if ever at all. It built up in me a lack of being content and enjoying the moment, fostering feelings of dislike, distrust, and a critical heart when put in a situation that "may" call on me being put into the situation I was fearfully anticipating. Most of the time, the situation never happened as I feared. And now that I am trying to respond more in the moment, I feel a whole lot lighter and less "imposed" on by my fearful thoughts. I have stopped attacking myself and allowed myself to enjoy living and being a part of life more fully.

From the heart - living passionately

Over the last week I have been in a living and learning experience of being loving,passionate,and fruitful. I was very encouraged last weekend by the time I got to share with friends and in being encouraged through scripture to not only use my talents to the full extent as they were given, with our fear or laziness, but to also have a heart fully devoted to loving up on God in the midst of prosperity or trial.

As King Solomon was a man that was granted a discerning heart, wisdom and wealth, he lacked the heart for God that his father David had. Even with having full knowledge and wisdom, he still chose to not love and honour God fully. Since sharing in this lesson, I have realized not only to use my talents fully, but to dig up any talents I may have buried and put them to use as well. Let me not be lazy or lacking in passion and heart for God.

I met with a group on Wednesday and after discussing connecting with God, we were also challenged on what our motive is for wanting to connect with God. What is our "Why" for being a Christian? This week has been encouraging and challenging and at the end of it, I have concluded that in the end, all that matters for me is to glorify God. Why? I am thankful for the life he has given me, I am thankful for the life he has saved me from. He holds me when I am alone, there for me to talk to, comforts me in my pain and struggles, encourages me to grow, and provides for me what I need. A life outside of God is without love, dark, and without comfort. If I long to be loved and wanted, I am going to go where that is at, in God's grace. Out of my overwhelming gratitude and desire, I will be devoted to do what it takes to remain in the grace of God.

I sang love songs and songs of praise to God yesterday and it was a beautiful time of peace, of love, and of encouragement. My boys were smiling and hugging me and it encouraged me to act in a righteous way =D. To love up on my neighbours and strangers, to be patient and nurturing....I was living out my life as I wanted to.... according to the vow I had made. As others are celebrating Valentines day, I will focus on loving passionately my God, my husband, and others that are in my life. I will express genuine interest and concern for them. I will look for ways to meet their needs. I will look for ways to encourage them and their dreams. And I will look for ways to bring glory to God through what I do.

Have a loving, encouraging,and passionate day.

I DO care!

This past week I made the most of the sales of the season and got new jeans and boots. I have been putting it off for some time....leaving it up to a sale or something else out of my control, like the weather (it was COLD!), to control whether or not I take action on something I want or need. So starting last week I decided it was time to go after what it is I need and want, regardless of circumstance. I booked doctor's appointments for me and my son, to keep up to date on my blood work for my thyroid and investigate breathing and penal health for my son, and set in my mind to finally go after obtaining my learner's permit for driving after a 13 year hiatus (talk about letting the circumstance run your life).

This week I reflected on the events of last week and one thing really stuck out. The phrase "I don't care" sets off alarms the same, if not worse, than someone using harsh, offensive language around me. To even type the phrase makes me uneasy. It is such a STRONG phrasing regardless of what language it is said in. It comes with a body expression that reads the same across the board......a look of disgust and a shrug of the body, the expression is one of hatred and apathy, and to me, can poison your mind and corrupt your spirit.

When I was younger I remember using the phrase "je m'en fiche" which translates from french to mean "I could care less", and I truly did not care. I had a disregard for the feelings of others and even the presence of others. Now that I have chosen to be a living advocate for love, the use of "I don't care" pierces to my core and makes me aware of the challenges that others face when they bring these words into fruition in their lives. In one of my close relationships, my friend and I continually struggle against the nature of this phrase in their lives and the effect it has on them and those around them. They give up in a situation, they leave in frustration and anger, they allow the situation to become harmful and leave scars on their hearts and in their character......it becomes an obstacle and hindrance just from three simple words. And from sharing in this experience with my friend I have learned the power of choosing words that nurture our spirit and encourage our thoughts to be fruitful, loving and positive, resulting in a life we are pleased with instead of being turned off at one corner or the next.

So when I speak, I will choose my words carefully (full of care) and not invite words or phrases into my thoughts and out of my mouth that bring unwanted actions, emotions, and results into my life. I DO care!

Ahhhhh! What a feeling!

I read an interview in which the woman described herself as feeling more sexual and it made me think, what is it to "feel" more sexual?

Biologically, I can see how being involved in the reproduction process, and bringing children into the world, is intense and it can take you into seeing yourself as being a part of humanity. We can feel that we are now a part of the process of continuing on the survival of our species and partaking in the joy of having a family. When I think of what it is to be sexy I think of being more attractive to the opposite sex, being desirable, and being approachable.

As for feeling sexual, I would have to wonder if we often confuse the feeling of depth and intimacy with the "feeling" we experience when we engage is sexual contact. Sexual contact can be intimate, but intimacy is not always related to sex. Having a deep, close relationship and experiencing the joy of that relationship does not mean that sex needs to be involved. Also, in experiencing an innermost, overwhelming joy and love does not mean you are having a sexual experience. I can have a close, detailed, in-depth, encouraging, loving and joyful relationship with my children, myself, my dear friends and family and it doesn't mean that I want to have sex or feel sexual towards them. I am grateful for my marital relationship with my husband, but not every encounter with him is an intimate one.

I would like to take the opportunity to surgically remove intimacy and the joy of intimate relationships into it's own category separate, but not excluding sex. It is such a rich experience that if given the proper awareness and respect can give our lives an intense uplift and deepen our perspective of how we encounter the world and all the wonderful things available around us.

The "Me" I have come to be

A woman with her eyes open and her mind on the go. She see ways to improve and also how to appreciate and make the most of what she has. She loves to look into the eyes of the ones she loves and connect heart to heart. Loving life and growth and the potential and hope in so many things around her, she is a woman of faith and gratitude, and it makes even a dark day bright.

Throw her a football and she will run it to the end zone, kick to her a soccer ball and she will run the field. She's a woman who loves to be active, playful, and explore the space around her. She is respectful of the environments she encounters and understands not every place in the world is for her to venture into and dwell in. Play her a song and she will sing, moving to the melody and dancing with joy.

She is rich and her life is full of love. She learned to love deeply and intimately, and it fills her up with overwhelming joy. She shares it with others around her with full confidence in the gift that she gives. Wanting the best for those around her, she strives to do the best she can so she has that to help others with. She is beautiful, not for what is on the outside, but by who she is on the inside. She loves textures and colours, and the beauty in what God has created. She loves learning and knowledge, and is grateful for the understanding and wisdom God has shared with her.

She has heart, hope, and she has patience. She has love, compassion, and a willingness to strive for excellence as exampled to her by her Lord and Savior. She looks forward to the future and is grateful for the past. May she continue to grow and live life to the full.

How long

As I reflect today on the health issues I have been experiencing, I am reminded that we are not promised forever in this world. I am truly grateful at how blessed my life has been. I have two beautiful boys, who are not only wonderful to share time, cuddles, and kisses with, but make me smile just at the sight of them. They are compassionate and when they see tears in my eyes, they do their best to comfort me and make me feel better. My prayer for them is that they live their lives appreciating the beauty that God has created and have hearts that desire to love as Jesus loved......wholeheartedly and full of passion.

I am truly grateful to God for gracing my life with someone who would not only challenge me to continue to grow closer to God, but who I would enjoy spending my life with. I truly love my husband as he is my best friend and has inspired me to live my life to the full in ways he could have never imagined. My hope and prayer for him is that he remain a nurturing, loving, serving, and compassionate man. That he keep his vow to God, and in honour of what we share, strive to grow closer to God each and every day of his life with his whole heart. That he will encourage our boys to grow to become wholehearted and loving men of God.

My life is full of joy, opportunities, appreciation, gratitude, and love. More than I could have dreamed and there is the potential for more to come. Thank you God!

Great time to get the giggles

As we settled into a family cuddle in our bed last night, I felt as though we were all wrapped up in a loving blanket of security. We had just finished watching the movie "Wall-E" beforehand and enjoyed the time shared together. All smiles around, we took turns to pray and thank God for all we experienced during the day. As the boys settled into to their bed, my hubby turned out the lights and wrapped his arms around me. As I tried to convince the kids to be quiet, close their eyes and go to sleep, it was obvious it wasn't going to be a peaceful drift into slumber. I jokingly started to snore and my son said he was not able to sleep with me making that noise. So I decided to not respond and go silent and the quiet came. I was drifting into a comfortable slumber when......"snicker, snicker". I opened my eyes and paused. "Snicker,snicker,snicker." I turned around and asked"What are you doing?" My hubby got the giggles and he couldn't stop. We all started laughing. It had been a while since he had the giggles and it made me happy. When we had settled down after the laughter we all took a deep breath and then fell asleep, filled with joy.

Waking up this morning I still had a smile on my face and I think that a heart-felt laugh is a great way to end the day.