What does the process of considering death do for changing your life.

What does the process of considering death do for changing your life.

This is me, one on the other side of death. We call it “this” side, although I have had many close calls after.

After nearly losing all my blood and hearing a flat line buzz, and watching my hubby and my body from a different angle, I knew there was more to what I was seeing. Before that moment was a series of events that led to a prayer surrendered in a possibility only God could provide...being “here” to watch my boys grow into amazing men. It was a bold prayer to pray when you are strapped down to a table as though on a cross and still gushing…

But my main focus is, in that moment, as I considered my death and having been surrendered into its’ possibility, I also jogged through what the possibility of 'life renewed' would be. I saw all the joy and laughter. Sunshine smiles and moments, and late night cuddles and kisses. I saw men excited to be achieving milestones in life. I saw gratitude overflowing. I saw freely expressed emotions and the mastery of self celebrated. I saw fulfillment. I saw sharing growth and vitality. I saw being free to express and move and travel and connect. 

And I was excited for them both. I still sit here “okay” with possibilities unfolding with wonder. I always seem to start with the joyful and loving possibility. 

It was my “second chance” when I woke up IN my body and saw I was enveloped in warm “bubble wrap” with machines beeping and going off and people hustling about. I was grateful for being moved from a shared and super fragrant room into a private room...my post op experience was terrible, but I was here. I was so glad to be out of that place, and glad to be in this moment at the same time. I was in such pain and filled with tears of gratitude to be in the moment and future I prayed for. And every morning when I woke, I would gasp and suck in that air with such panic and elated gratitude at the same time, saying “Thank you Lord!” No matter how it came, the experiences I had, good or bad, I would embrace them as a part of the bigger vision, of “getting” the gift of PRESENCE in the life of my two boys. 

So now, as I sit here in contemplation of near-future moments, I am reminded of the prayer I prayed, and the vision I had and how small all this seems in comparison of the unfolding of beautiful possibilities being laid out, and for us to all grow into our next level, our “second chance.”

What is the dream and vision you hold onto, on the other side of the possibility of death? It sounds morbid, but in reality, we are faced with our choice in living and existing each day. HOW will I choose to live out this new day I am graced to wake up in?

One breath at a time. One moment at a time. Mine for today is a date...with the One who was there when my arms and feet were stretched out in a vacant room. All alone, in the moments before I went under. That Presence that still is with me now. It’s our time this morning. No major gasping for air, just deep and conscious breaths of gratitude. And then from there, I get to sit in enjoyment and dream. Imagining my next "sunny" moments of possibility and laying them before God...in conversation and in prayer. And then living out each moment as it follows. Each imperfect, painful and elated, disappointing and stretched in growth, each lovely moment that we "get" to call our Life and Journey.

How will you imagine your "second chance"?

Who is the woman of God I want to be?

Last week I got together with my friends and we shared in an activity that was called "Who is the woman of God you want to be?" We all brainstormed about the attributes and characteristics that we wanted to have as woman of God. I then shared about some of the women I looked up in the Bible and what attributes and characteristics they were known for. Ruth: loyal, hard-working, resourceful, devoted and loving. Rebecca: brave, impressed all who met her, confident, offered her help and service to others and sought out God for counsel. Other characteristics included courage, good sense, contentment, dedicated to good works, model to the community. We then drew ourselves and added the attributes we each listed.

As I shared about these women of the bible, the Proverbs 31 woman came up and the different views of what she represents came out. Is she real? Was she just the "Noble woman" that the men of the bible dreamed about? I can see how this woman, with her many talents, skills, and activities, drums up a bit of question, if it is possible to live up to this standard. I then shared that her life can be paralleled to our own. Some were good with money and the household finances, some were good with investments....we all make sure that our kids have good clothes to wear and cover them in their beds at night to stay warm. We share our lives and faith with our family and with others. We have provided for these needs in our families and we are also women of God.

It is good to take a moment to appreciate what it is that we bring to the table and know that we are successful in each day as we manage our households, encourage our families, live out our talents to their best, and walk faithfully in our relationship with God.

What's your image of you?

This photo I saw on someone's computer, and aside from the weapons, I said that this photo reminds me of me. Now of course the day wouldn't involve waking up late, rolling out of bed, chasing after my kids to get them dressed and off to school. This woman looks like she is ready to take on the world! So how would I visualize the physical version of who it is I am? Well, first of all I would have to go into the details that makes me who I am.

Appreciating your attributes

At times we may forget if we have even considered it all, but we should express to ourselves gratitude and appreciation. What makes me unique? What is beautiful about who I am? What wonderful things have I done and contributed to the lives of others? If you have trouble doing this for yourself, try starting out with appreciating those around you, out loud. That's right, let others know what is wonderful about them and your gift of encouragement may very well come back to you.

If you give, you must also receive

If after you have given a compliment or expressed gratitude or appreciation that you receive a compliment in return, don't turn it down, say 'Thank you'. Receiving from the gifts that you give doesn't always happen in the way that we think and being willing to receive the gift opens you up for receiving more. Not just in compliments, but in everything. It will also open up your awareness of who you are as you get feedback from what you are giving. So make it good! If you want to receive good gifts, you should be giving good gifts (golden rule applies here). And I'm not talking about the latest electronic gadget (although I know an HD flat screen 52" TV comes in mind for some), I'm talking about the stuff that lasts; encouragement, gratitude, positivity, helping others in need, that kind of stuff.

Go into detail.

So now that you have a level of appreciation about you (both in giving and receiving), what does your image of you have? A big heart? Loving and hard working hands? A beautiful smile? It reminds me of when I was single and I sat down with my cousin and we mapped out the attributes of our perfect man haha. We drew on a piece of paper a male figure (could have been a stick man, it didn't matter) and we added to the image like a diagram....strong arms, good dancer, nice smile (straight teeth), ambitious and compassionate....the list went on. But have I ever really done that for me? I don't think so. It would be a fun project to sit down with my kids and do (I guess I will be doing it soon then...) Maybe I could sit down with some of my friends and do that too. But in the end it's the image of who you see yourself to be and it should encourage you.

Well, I have work to do, but I must say that I do see myself as a knight, a defender of what is good and loving in this world and I will continue my crusade for a more positive, loving and helpful me.