What does the process of considering death do for changing your life.

What does the process of considering death do for changing your life.

This is me, one on the other side of death. We call it “this” side, although I have had many close calls after.

After nearly losing all my blood and hearing a flat line buzz, and watching my hubby and my body from a different angle, I knew there was more to what I was seeing. Before that moment was a series of events that led to a prayer surrendered in a possibility only God could provide...being “here” to watch my boys grow into amazing men. It was a bold prayer to pray when you are strapped down to a table as though on a cross and still gushing…

But my main focus is, in that moment, as I considered my death and having been surrendered into its’ possibility, I also jogged through what the possibility of 'life renewed' would be. I saw all the joy and laughter. Sunshine smiles and moments, and late night cuddles and kisses. I saw men excited to be achieving milestones in life. I saw gratitude overflowing. I saw freely expressed emotions and the mastery of self celebrated. I saw fulfillment. I saw sharing growth and vitality. I saw being free to express and move and travel and connect. 

And I was excited for them both. I still sit here “okay” with possibilities unfolding with wonder. I always seem to start with the joyful and loving possibility. 

It was my “second chance” when I woke up IN my body and saw I was enveloped in warm “bubble wrap” with machines beeping and going off and people hustling about. I was grateful for being moved from a shared and super fragrant room into a private room...my post op experience was terrible, but I was here. I was so glad to be out of that place, and glad to be in this moment at the same time. I was in such pain and filled with tears of gratitude to be in the moment and future I prayed for. And every morning when I woke, I would gasp and suck in that air with such panic and elated gratitude at the same time, saying “Thank you Lord!” No matter how it came, the experiences I had, good or bad, I would embrace them as a part of the bigger vision, of “getting” the gift of PRESENCE in the life of my two boys. 

So now, as I sit here in contemplation of near-future moments, I am reminded of the prayer I prayed, and the vision I had and how small all this seems in comparison of the unfolding of beautiful possibilities being laid out, and for us to all grow into our next level, our “second chance.”

What is the dream and vision you hold onto, on the other side of the possibility of death? It sounds morbid, but in reality, we are faced with our choice in living and existing each day. HOW will I choose to live out this new day I am graced to wake up in?

One breath at a time. One moment at a time. Mine for today is a date...with the One who was there when my arms and feet were stretched out in a vacant room. All alone, in the moments before I went under. That Presence that still is with me now. It’s our time this morning. No major gasping for air, just deep and conscious breaths of gratitude. And then from there, I get to sit in enjoyment and dream. Imagining my next "sunny" moments of possibility and laying them before God...in conversation and in prayer. And then living out each moment as it follows. Each imperfect, painful and elated, disappointing and stretched in growth, each lovely moment that we "get" to call our Life and Journey.

How will you imagine your "second chance"?

Stay focused on the road

Ever get caught driving and missed your intended exit? What did you do? Did you keep on driving in the direction you were not intending on, hoping that you would be able to take an alternative route to get to where you are going? Or did you slow down, look for somewhere to turn around; and then get back on track in the direction you wanted to head in?

Well yesterday I learned a valuable lesson about being in a positive mindset, and focusing on your goal. Many distractions come into our lives for one reason or another and I believe that how we handle each encounter gives us the opportunity to either be strengthened and encouraged or weakened and discouraged. I was in a situation that took a negative turn and it lead to being distracted from what I was in the process of doing, getting from point A to point B. Instead of regaining focus and getting back on track, it lead into a lengthy"drive" to the edge of where we could go before we found the "road" to get back on again and get to where we wanted to be. Although we "knew" the map of where we were, we were still lost since we were not actively driving to where we wanted to go. More missed exits, and still proceeded on in the wrong direction, further and further away from the desired destination.

Each exit was a choice and opportunity. And each time the choice was made to not take that opportunity it lead to further discouragement, frustration, and distraction. Eventually when we arrived at where we were going, the residue of the "road trip to the edge" still lingered and it took a while for us to warm up to others and share in the celebratory experience. We were driving to a party after all! But it was as if we walked in wounded, limping and in pain. The drive from where we were at would have taken about 7 minutes......we arrived half an hour later with gained wisdom and experience of what not to do. It is important to focus on the tasks at hand and to keep your thoughts positive as it helps to maintain the focus.

So as we drive through the rest of our lives, I am going to keep my eye on where I am driving, with a smile on my face and my destination in mind. But when I get off track, I will make sure to get back on again and share my experiences with others so that they may be helped with that wisdom to walk a straighter path.