Circle of Influence matters

 Good morning!

I have a question to ask... a serious question that I would like for you to ponder...What has your relationship....with yourself, been like over the years of your life?

This comes as the answer to a question someone asked, so I am posting it with my thoughts here.

Just over a week ago I got together with a couple of my childhood friends. One of these dear ladies I was noticing spoke in a similar way that I did....very direct and her tone as well was similar to my own. Our families lived in a similar complex and we were neighbours so I have always felt like she was a "cousin". Didn't even realize that we were friends before we ever went to school together many years later. But thinking back on it, while I was in Elementary school, things were VERY different. I had a handful of friends throughout my time there, but for the most part, I was alone. I was treated differently on a daily basis, called names that are still unacceptable to utter today, had gym mats stuck to my hair and then piled on me, and often not picked to play with the others during recess.

On top of it, in class I was different as well...I spent a lot of time in the library doing extra work...I was one of the few Lefties in the whole school and they kept trying to "accommodate" with desks and scissors.....like it wasn't bad enough that I was already mocked for standing out LOL. Even though I had some neighbourhood friends that I ran around with from time to time, a lot of my time was spent at school and out-of-school care "balancing" the flurries of mockery with the few occasions I got to spend with my one or two friends.

I share this because I am speaking about connections and balancing the circles of influence we pass through. I had a lot of negativity spewed at me as a child....it got less and less as I continued through school, but even another friend asked me recently how I was able to handle what she witnessed of me experiencing while we went through school together.....

...in the end, what it is that I remember most about those lonely times was the conversations I was having with myself...I had a "BUGGER off!" attitude inside that I think really saved me a whole bunch of grief growing up....truly! Much of it must of looked and sounded like a person rambling and muttering to themselves all the time ....but the dialogue with my "self" has been wide open for all these years. I really meditated on all those hard moments...moments where I was mad and frustrated and in tears all at the same time....some of those moments I shared with my parents and they had similar "bugger off" responses to share with me and try to encourage me with (LOL especially my dad...even to this day )

...Later on, as I got into relationships with others it started to turn to a different tone, and my circle of influence changed ...not the best of relationships or situations, and those left me with a lot of "language" I needed to hash it out with...that mind chatter/clutter stuff that grates at you and tears you down. That stuff that tells you about your failures and your looks and uses that against you ...that reinforces doubts and shortcomings in your head, weighted with heavy expectations, and barrages you with fearful outcomes painted in the back of your mind like graffiti...I wrestled with that stuff for years...until I could hear again the soft and sometimes "salty" voice from my youth that I recognized...the one that stood by me and supported me, even when my parents couldn't.

The process of the "wrestling" is similar to what I practice today. Dear friends came up with a system, EYL, that is a much simpler version, easier to be consistent with, and that saves a lot of the work. And that is what helps to keep the "space" clear for me to nurture one of my greatest relationships in my life....with myself.

So, how has your relationship with yourself been? Feel free to share in comments or in PM.

#thankyouGod #oneanotherlove #Lovefirst #EYL #support #relationships #circleofinfluence #shiftthechatter #backtobasics