"Got a shirt?" Seeing past our judgments

 "Got a shirt?"

"Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt" - Maya Angelou


She spoke of this and what I took away from what she shared was to ...make sure that you are clothed before you "think" to give things away or "meet" the needs of others. "Love yourself, then others."


Lately I have heard a lot of promotion and also attack against the idea of taking care of yourself first.....the most popular analogy (that I focus on) is about the oxygen mask on the airplane (and to be honest, this last trip I totally tuned out of that dialogue for the FIRST time ever!! UGH!)


But I have known many caregivers of people that have very challenging needs and how disgruntled they can be, but continue on like cars running on fumes to provide for those that they love. And it is definitely love for the other that carries them through. Many of them longing for a little time to themselves to recharge....and THAT was my cue in.....how they could see if they had a person like them to take care of them WHILE they took care of others, how AWESOME that would be. But they DO!


So as of yesterday (I'm making it current, but I know it has been a bit longer than that...) I decide that it is now a VITAL part of this nutritious, daily journey into a COURAGEOUS future filled with ME being of wonderful contribution to the lives of those around me that I make sure that I am fully "clothed" and giving from an overflowing supply instead of a drying well. From that space it is freely given...out of an abundant space that requires no repayment or reward.


But not only does the practice of providing yourself with loving care and maintenance help you to be a more gracious giver of the care you have to offer, it also makes it easier for us to more easily see and love those around us where they are at. I have a lot of stuff I want to work on...untangle myself and free myself from . We all do!! The more we work through our "stuff" so that we can be more loving and care-ful (full of care) for ourselves, the better we can recognize what others are really going through and really need...truly accepting them for who and where they are separate from who and where I am at.


"How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye." ~ Luke 6:42


Now what if the naked person giving the shirt away was seeing the other person as under-dressed?


I hear a lot of assumptions about what my life must be like....and I can say that I know some of the ideas are definitely not rooted in any fact that exist in my life. But in hearing these assumptions it reminds me...(as does the scripture above...and others)...that I really need to consider my own life, care, practices, and challenges before I decide to present help and care to others. It is easy to use the same measure that we measure ourselves with to "evaluate" the lives or even comments of others. We may assume that they have a particular slant or reason for saying something or looking a certain way, but have you considered what is behind what you assumed? Did you ask? If it wasn't for a recent apology I extended to my son during our morning study time, I would not have these words to share now.....We took a deeper look into judgement because of it...


I called him “lazy”

But what I was really saying is “ If that was me....people would think that I am lazy”

So I am really judging myself....if I use harsh judgements against others....harsh judgement I use against myself.


(For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. ~ Matthew 7:2)

I was in awe! And my son lovingly accepted my apology (gave me a big hug seeing my pain) and I apologized to myself as well (and grateful for the deeper lesson). Not only when I spoke the words was I being harsh to him, but to myself as well....It is SO important that we use a measure of LOVE with ourselves....careful consideration of what we do and say...truly honouring who we are and putting into ourselves what we REALLY intend to give. What greater can we give when the measure we are giving from and filled up with is love.

I do not perpetuate that my life is hard (or easy),... it's my life and I accept it as that. I am truly grateful for all the challenges and opportunities to experience in my life. And I see the lives of those around me and I honour them for going through some of the "stuff" they have experienced...I will choose to learn and be humbled by their experiences, because I know I would much prefer not to add more challenge to my life as it is (and I do love and accept what is already on my plate). I am glad that others do not have to go through some of what I am going through, but it's all just stuff in the end. All "sawdust" and "planks". Truly, out of all this life and experiences, being able to be loving, receive loving, and give love to others in fullness is what makes it worthwhile....for me.