Are your expectations greater than your acceptance?

Good mawning!

Are your expectations greater than your acceptance?

In certain situations, I have found that it can help to expect more than you accept. But for the most part, what I have found is, accepting comes first.

Let me clarify a key distinction that I have learned and gleaned from my relationship with our sons… You CAN accept something as it is and as it is presented as, AND you don’t have to be in agreement of receiving what it is at the same time.

Example: My current perception recently has been that the work ethic of the boys has steeply declined. My “statement” is that as toddlers, their willingness to work was much greater. My observation is that their resistance to chores has increased. My expectation is that they follow through on contributing to doing the work of the chores and get the task done as agreed upon.

How do I accept this? And better yet, WHAT am I accepting? 

I accept that the chores aren’t getting done by the person who’s “assigned” to doing the work. I accept that the person who is to be doing the work is in a state of resistance. I accept that I expect integrity, collaboration, willingness, AND the task to get done.

I LEARNED from the exchange with my boys… that they are resistant to the JUDGMENT around them doing the work or not. They are resistant to the approach from the expectation. They are resistant to the expectation being more important than the love and relationship I have with them. They get “offended” if I don’t check in with them first and have a relationship exchange. And as much as we agreed upon them doing the tasks as laid out, they don’t like being told what to do and when to do it.

So where do my expectations fit in then? 

I have to vet my expectations.

They need to be managed and checked in with on a consistent basis. Why? So they don’t get distorted or “inflated''. So that they stay ALIGNED with my core values and the things and aspects that matter MORE to me. That they properly reflect my vision and the direction to getting there.

In this example I would vet them with some of my core value statements of “one another love”, “walking and working in alignment”, “connection first”, “love first”, “Mary and Martha”, “communication is king”.

SO is one greater than the other? Possibly. BOTH are needed. Which means there is a relationship between them. And with relationships, we must give space for the fullness of communication. Which means…there is a WHOLE LOT MORE meat than just the acceptance and the expectation (The 4 As are like a bridge here. More on that later). There is a lot of wiring within our interactions that makes it all work.

For us, what makes it work is the love that must be present first and foremost. I have to step back if I forget to approach with love first to bring in the accountability. Most often, THAT is what my boys are resisting, the “lack” of love.

Now to put together tasks that I expect to get done today LOL.

#thankyouGod #grateful #Lovefirst #expectations #Acceptance #awareness #accountability #adaptation #communicationisking #stepback #givespace #allowtime #oneanotherlove #relationships #Sawubona #ISeeYou