"Just tell me what to do!"

 

Good mawning!

"Just tell me what to do!"

LOL. I love this phrase.

20 years of hearing this phrase. And 20 years of learning a valuable lesson from those who have chimed in with it. .... Is that it doesn't always work that way .

Currently, life with teenagers/young men

The dishes getting "done" is taking a hit. Or at least it was. They agree to doing it because in our house it counts as "currency".

However, when we experience choosing to give our attention "more" to something else or when we just don't "feel" like it, sometimes the "good" things get set aside.

Drinking enough water, doing that errand we said we would, eating more greens, working out, doing chores, doing homework... Sometimes the good we know we "ought" to do goes undone.

So, what I have learned is...? When THEY choose to do the "thing", even if at first they begrudged it, it gets done better and faster than if I was to "tell" them to do it.

And yes, I did "chime" in with "reminders" LOL. But if it gets to the point of "nagging", it turns into a hot mess. And it's doesn't need to be hot or messy, especially with dishes ....it would just be nice if it was DONE.

The same goes for making changes as adults.

We don't necessarily like being "told what to do". Even if it's good for us to do it. Even if it is something we asked for. Even if we wanted someone to just "tell us what to do"... it's very often resisted and that type of "authoritative" motivation is short lived. It's not sustainable.

Because we know.

"We know what is good to do." "We heard what you said the first time." "I know what I have to do" ....and then "Stop telling me what to do" starts getting thrown around as two brothers start going back and forth as to who is responsible for which part of the task...especially now that it has been neglected.

Oh sorry....was getting personal there.

So what DO we like? "We" like to know we have a voice. A say in how things are done, even if the instruction has been laid out. That we can contribute value and input even inside a framework or suggestion...that we are making a worthy contribution. We like to be in charge of our choices. We get feedback from our own choices. We stand "informed" when we make our own choices. And we are more likely to take action when we present ourselves with reasonable choices.

Sometimes that "balance" gets a little off. Sometimes the stories we have been listening to and the things we are more familiar with will take charge.

Allow yourself the space to negotiate.

I allow the boys "space" to decide for themselves and have that internal "negotiation"...especially from a space of already knowing what "good" would serve best in the current situation.

This morning the dishes are being effortlessly attended to.

...because it's what's needed and it's what they said they would do. When we decide to just simply DO the thing, it CAN be effortless. (And rewarding, just sayin')

What have you been having resistance with?

What could you choose to just "do" that you have been having resistance with? Is it simple or is it being made complex?

As for me, I have "homework/play" to do

#ThankyouGod #biggerpicture #simpleandconsistent #YOUhavechoice #Agency #ofgreatvalue #contribution #resistancetraining #teenagers #livebyexample #accountability #trusttheprocess #geterdone #LoveFirst #youGotThis