Good morning!
There is a difference between right and justified...how can you know?
The driver and the descriptor.
Here's my testing ground....my two boys. LOL they are OFTEN fighting and bickering..."He did this!" "Did you see that???" "STOP!!" "MOM!!!!! He did (fill in the blank)" ...LOADS of growling, stomping, slighted eyes, sideways glances, slamming things down and around....
...go on and try to tell me this is a "phase", but this "phase" has been 14 years strong 
. It's a part of the process in their journey...the back and forth, the wrestling with their perceptions and thoughts, and how that translates onto the "canvas" of their brother to brother relationship.
. It's a part of the process in their journey...the back and forth, the wrestling with their perceptions and thoughts, and how that translates onto the "canvas" of their brother to brother relationship.Of course, since I am called into "mediation", I simplify the process by asking one main question.... "Were you being loving?" (or some variation of that question). If their "driver" didn't come from Love first, then what follows is a string of reasoning toward "lifting up" the choice to cause harm (or offend or cut off or call names .....) to the other. Justification. Having to tell the story and explain "WHY" you chose NOT to show up in love (or a less than a loving way)...and if you string enough of these Justifying moments together, you get one big ol' BAD attitude LOL 
. It reads as arrogant, and apathetic, curt, sharp, indifferent, and so on and so on.....but the biggest thing I have noticed, not just in the relationship of my boys, but also having observed from others....is it always leads to separation....and not connection.
. It reads as arrogant, and apathetic, curt, sharp, indifferent, and so on and so on.....but the biggest thing I have noticed, not just in the relationship of my boys, but also having observed from others....is it always leads to separation....and not connection.Sometimes I find myself mired in the muck of justifying...but if connection is calling, I check myself, I interrupt the non serving wandering that is not leading me much of anywhere to begin with, and I get back on track and start noticing myself and where I am at.
I find we often feel "hurt" because we experienced a situation that fell short of the "love" meter. It could have been better...it could have been more considerate, it could have been more compassionate, it could have been more accepting and appreciative, it could have been more mindful and attentive...and most of all it could have been more connective...
The priority my boys make clear through all the messy back and forth from day to day is a call to love more. THEY call one another to LOVE MORE 
. I don't really have to do much, but to remind them of that fact. That they indeed DO love one another and that there is ALWAYS an opportunity to Love more .
. I don't really have to do much, but to remind them of that fact. That they indeed DO love one another and that there is ALWAYS an opportunity to Love more . "Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law."
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