Considering...The flowfullness of fulfillment

 It has been quite the wrestling match in my head and heart lately....striving to love in situations where it is not quite reciprocated...the gift of love remains and when the person feels it is safe....to reach for and receive their loving gift they will...until then...in themselves and in what is given...remains unopened.

And yesterday as I hung out with the boys and explored...as we ran and made deadlines (to the minute baby! YEAH!!)...received compliments with prosperous suggestions and made decisions about receiving the wealth of our futures...as my boys stepped up and asked for what they wanted and were able to find it (Lego minifigures) and were courageous enough to encourage a neighbour...and as we sat and enjoyed our "dinner" and built these minifigure characters (we each got a different one...hurray!)...I realized how flow-filled being ful-filled feels like...the flow of give/receive, the flow of intention and achievement, the flow of decision and fruition, and the flow of sharing in the joy of the journey with one another...

All these "points" are part of a line through which flow is happening...and if you want more "UMPH" in your moments, you gotta allow for more flow....less clamping down, pushing and squeezing and more opening... LOL sounds like giving birth! But yet it is...every moment is a birth....every choice is a labour...every decision is a baby...and every vision is a parent and child growing into a unified journey of unknown and marvelous experience. AND when we choose to "constrict" the flow (usually starting with love, and usually starting with ourselves...), everything else down the line gets "backed up" as well.  The next thing you know, you are feeling guarded and doubtful...almost constipated with swirling thought and emotion...and that stuff didn't need to get locked up in there...it was just passing through...and now with the back log and emotions that were meant for a moment, but are being forced to stay with another emotion that is irrelevant to its expression/experience, because it is out of context, and YEAH!!! Sounds like a pile of unfiled papers...and lost cheques, and forgotten bills, and unopened mail, and unwashed piles of laundry...and even moldy dishes...CLUTTER baby! Out of context content...

So how do we open the flow? Get some space...and then decide to start with love. (I know, sounds too simple...) Are you being loving to yourself? Why not? Why have you not forgiven yourself? Are you making yourself to be wrong in most everything you do? (feel the tightness?)...

...See, as much as I may have been living in clutter for quite some time, the MAIN reason it was "left" to linger is because I was "constricting" the flow. Now our house is clean (and staying that way for the most part), dishes washed, laundry done AND put away, stuff put where it should be, mail getting open, and everyone feeling they can breathe, be a valued contributor, enjoy one another's company...all because we took a BREAK! We had a family retreat for a week and high-tailed it outta here! And we drove in silence (no radio)...talking was not required...expectations were left behind...we OPENED the flow.  In that extra "space" we talked, we listened, we allowed for each moment to experience it's own emotion, thought, and fullness....and then move on to the next adventure...we loved the experience and we loved and allowed for one another...everything flowed as it should and our unorganized adventure took on it's own perfect shape and timing along the way...

Some things that seem COMPLETELY unrelated (love to the perspective of everything being separate and unconnected...no sarcasm intended...really!...no seriously...it serves to remind me that the truth is in connection, unity, "oneness", unseen and seen...multiple facets of the same gem, etc) are actually the source of your experience...(And a well-liked phrase that I hear in my head..."well THAT's your problem!"...) No, it's not a problem, it's a perspective that just doesn't line up with the desired outcome...wrong viewpoint to see through to the other "side" of what you would like to see...shift the view....Is it really related to feel and be in right action? Being emotional is wrong? Expressing emotions...faux pas? A lot of that expectation was hanging over our heads. Being wrong in our expression of emotions..Pure FOONANNY!!! As this is being read, it is being weighed in my mind and yours....Weighed against what? What are we weigh-ting for? A response...from where? How do you know you are receiving it (the response you are waiting for)?...is this getting confusing and heavy or what?....Some describe emotion as energy in motion....We have an experience, through which we have a response, and from that response we experience ...something! A feeling, a reaction...something. But it's what we do with that "energy" that makes all the difference. Stuff it? (it was me and it doesn't "feel" good, so it must be wrong, and then I am wrong....) Or perhaps...observe what is going on....and if you decide you would like to chose another "feeling" or experience, then let it flow on...Does it really have to become your possession?... and can it serve into the next moment or experience?  It doesn't have to.  Each moment (each day) has all it needs for you to know and experience...or as was written " Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Mat. 6:34)

....so what was the constriction? Expectation....and that expectation in me was BLINDING me to the experience that the others in my life were having....they cannot receive if they are all backed up....it seems like more pressure down the pipe. And that pressure creates a fear and resistance that builds up...their current experience/perspective/viewpoint is being constricted by their own expectation within themselves...How much LOVE are they allowing themselves (and opening themselves up) to receive? Are they making it WRONG to love, and forgive, and enjoy themselves as they are because of an expectation that is holding them captive? Very possibly YES!!! How do I know? Because that experience was once my experience (and if I forget, it may become it again....but I know now, so it won't last...) and the experience of countless others in my life who have shared in and about the same thing....I may be wrong and I am willing to be wrong, but as long as that constriction can be lifted from their head and hearts and life and allow more flow for connection and fruitful, joyful experiences then so be it!

So the wrestling is done...and I will hold that space for the love to be received...in myself and for others as well. I may be holding for a while, but at least while I hold the space for another, I will be receiving as well.