DO I truly believe who it is that I am?
Do you ever get surprised or are setback with awe about some of the things you have done or who you have been?
This morning I was reading through my writing folder and found an unfinished work. I sat back and was reading it, and when I got to the point where I had not finished I was shocked!
LOL I KNOW I wrote it, but man, it was GOOD! And I wanted to read more, but it wasn’t there.
And I know, it was because I was interrupted and wanted to finish but lost my flow… (I’m still gutted I didn’t finish because I really wanted to read how it ended LOL). But the thing that is standing out the most to me is…
As an artist, the creative flow tends to land on me like a bucket of water sometimes…and I just flow with it and put out what has been called through me, and when I am done, I sit back and appreciate what this “thing” is.
There is a painful disconnect (sometimes) that didn’t involve a methodical or logical step by step process that I follow the steps of to produce what I have done. I am actually quite in awe (and a little bit jealous) of my older son who is quite the artist and creator. He sees the process…he sees the whole thing to its end and then he lays it out and proceeds to fill in the middle.
I get these downloads of insight and channeled creative frenzy and when it’s done, it’s a work of art that was birthed and I can revisit it again and again as though it is new to me and be inspired or encouraged by what was created. I'm not "connected" to the "me" who created it in that moment.
I don’t think we look deep enough into the process of what we put “labels” to.
I often feel the unknowing space of “imposter syndrome” (or whatever that space is where you know you’re supposed to know the something that you are sharing, but feel like a complete newb and begin questioning yourself…), but I think it may have more to do with how “creation”or “knowing” has worked for me over the years and how it differs from how it “feels” most others are doing things.
Can you relate? Do you feel like the weirdo in the pack? Do you feel outside of the definition or example that is operating around you?
Who am “I” really?
And the first answer that comes through (see?? What is this process? LOL) is “I am the experience of “me” at this moment…in wholeness.” Everything that has come before, how I perceived it, and my perspective that I am operating with now is the “I” that I am and the “I” that gets to CHOOSE how to proceed in my next moments to come.
And THIS is why I value having a VISION! A bigger picture applied to HOW I want to be living my life.
Because the “I” that I “get” to be moment to moment is SO VAST with potential and possibility. I truly feel we are here choosing how to manage the abundance that we all have …which is us.
Anyways, I hope you feel some encouragement from this pondering this morning.
I’m off to “push” past this “pause” that felt like doubt and continue with what I have decided to do in this moment called TODAY. 💖
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