Good morning! My reflections lately have been around relationships. I've been observing what speaks to people in terms of motivation, comradery, buzzing with the hive and what people will accept as people understanding where they are at.
Just recently experienced a breakthrough with someone...recognizing what their core character was and holding true to it in the light of chaos. Having come back around to what is closer to their center, they expressed gratitude....the gratitude of trusting in their higher expression of themselves.
Somehow, even though I was often angry, I found it interesting that for most of my life others found me as calm, stoic, and even cold and without emotion. From my side of the lens, I always felt like I was training on an agility course, always have to watch for my next step, while cussing up a storm of frustration with a fiery rage...and apparently, most found it relatable, honest....and still pretty calm. I can only imagine what others are perceiving for and of themselves if I (ME) seem to be the calm and collected one.
I center back to calm pretty quickly for the most part now...It's like a steady furnace that keeps me warm and purring throughout my days.....and I laugh at and with my anger when it pops in....not having done something that I could have or should have tend to trigger it...the frustration of not playing more and enjoying more of what life has to offer (an expectation I put on myself) ....but what I DO enjoy in life and particularly on a day to day basis is the constant of appreciating the beauty of the living going on around me and through me. It's not big and sexy like some, but it is certainly warm and inviting...not comfortable, because it is always growing and adjusting, but constant in its presence.
So is it that I couldn't see myself or others could see me better than I could see myself? Perhaps, what I shared with others is what I am or perhaps those that were seeing me, were seeing me and accepting me for who I was at my core or the best of what they saw in me. I was experiencing the messy stuff in the background and then what showed up for others to see was the result of my constant growth (and struggle). Either way, I let others receive me as they will and I will take the reflected interpretations of who I am and keep them in mind for when I am feeling a little messy.
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