DOH! Another thought....
As I went to settle the worries of an anxious child this morning I shared how it was my honour to consider his safety, happiness, and well-being. By no means is it a burden or where I would have him to feel guilt or shame for having to consider such things. I don't expect him to be perfect. I don't want to expect or imagine a perfect fairytale-all-done-for-you existence. Sometimes I remember what it feels like to think that I "should" be one way or another. How I didn't meet up to the expectations of those around me and how I was "supposed" to feel weighed down with guilt and shame....as though that was supposed to motivate me to be something different than what I am or what I was experiencing. To have the guilt and shame morphed me into something...ANYthing other than me so others could be happy.
And I can feel that now....that there are expectations of me to be the happiest, healthiest, and wealthiest person in the lives of those around me. That anything that I could imagine becomes my reality in an instant. That I could travel and be anywhere I wanted to be at the drop of a hat. That I could just speak and money would be dropped at my feet in overflowing abundance. That I would be beautiful to behold by all and just glow with infinite wisdom and radiance. Oddly enough, I know that there are those in my life that are disappointed with me....having illness to live with, work through, and overcome. That I have financial struggles. That I 'waste' my intelligence in the presence of stupid, 'uneducated' people (not how I see it). That I carry any extra weight or body fat not rippling with muscle tone. I have crushed their expectations with bruit force. And with all this, here I am....me. Imperfect, ill, struggling, not as fit as I once was....
I admit, I do have a 'hint' of struggle. I recognize my own humanity. And I also look to what it is that I truly value, want, and love in my life. I may not be dreaming about a "dream" life for myself, as I have let dreaming slip from me recently, but I DO feel honoured to have the privilege to witness, love, and stand up for my beautiful family. That their smiles and hugs and touches light me up. That sharing in their struggles and maybe able to be their for support is a gift. To be spoken to and listened to by them fills my soul. That their actions in life include me in it. That the beauty of discovery and growth can be shared with and celebrated. I feel so special to be associated with them and know that I look on with such joy and delight....You see, I have expectations too. But these are the moments that I cherish experiencing and because they get to be here and living is an honour for me to witness. And then from there, I chose to honour the witnessing of ME being here and in my unique experience...through divine union. And it's not about my family first or me first....it's just that they are a part of my immediate experience each day. And it's THAT that goes unseen. Your witnessing of your perspective and experience in this world. SO who better to appreciate than you? Who better than me to give honour to the joy of my experiences than me?
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