Good morning. Considering death....and that this week I have been gripped...with the intensity of love and gratitude that it has brought me to an overflow of tears....and it reminds me of how I felt when someone very near and dear to me died. I was gripped in the same way, with unseen embraces and kisses...with the same overflowing of love and gratitude. In the end, both brought me to the gratitude of Life and Love.
And it caused me to pause and scan....where else, in my emotions, feelings, and expressions have I seen the perception of dichotomy expressed in my body the same way. Nerves and anxiousness about stepping into something awesome, anticipated, and unknown versus the feeling of fearing the unknown...in me, it feels all tossed up in my belly and up into my throat...and for both, a breath and a moment to pause into my own heartbeat grounds me into the next moment....Yes and no. Although they swing in opposing directions, they both hold strong in the direction of expression in similar ways....
I'll be looking at and observing many of those "opposites" today in curiosity, but it also inspires me to know...that in any given moment of choice, especially when I "feel" that I want to go with how I perceive I will feel or am feeling, that I get another level of consideration....what is it that I truly WANT to be experiencing in that moment...in my days....in my life. And this is coming after a period of not really feeling anything...numbness? Apathy? Either way it feels like fence sitting...not taking in a breath or even letting one out...good LUCK trying to motivated someone who is numb in the moment....that won't come down off the fence of "meh" to experience and experiment. OY! I'm grateful that the fence post was getting uncomfortable and it was time to get down or experience really being stuck on the fence and in numbness....Being okay with perceived "discomfort" when "shift" happens. When things don't go in a way that is familiar or comfortable, but being to feel challenging, unfulfilling, and "against" the grain. Either side "of the fence" is a choice and an experience...and either way you get the gift to feel something (ANYTHING other than numb) through that experience. What would you like that to be? Let me ask again...What would you LIKE that to be? How often do we allow ourselves to ask that? How often do we dismiss it with the same but opposite intensity? (At least it was a choice?...Yes and no 
as it puts you back up on the fence...) Are you dismissing what it is you truly want to enjoy for a feeling that is not far from the same? It makes me realize how close the possibility of having either truly is....It so slight that many confuse one for the other. The difference is the direction you see yourself going in through that experience....we ALL do it, so why not do it to the fullness of the life we "sometimes" imagine ourselves in ...
as it puts you back up on the fence...) Are you dismissing what it is you truly want to enjoy for a feeling that is not far from the same? It makes me realize how close the possibility of having either truly is....It so slight that many confuse one for the other. The difference is the direction you see yourself going in through that experience....we ALL do it, so why not do it to the fullness of the life we "sometimes" imagine ourselves in ...Whichever way you choose, know that there is another choice waiting for you just around the corner And life is always waiting for you to experience it.
And life is always waiting for you to experience it.
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